Drinks and Feelings
by KeepSaying
Summary: After she moves out Jane is miserable and finally does take up Tasha on that drink and they end up speaking about some feelings, too. One-Shot.


**A/N:** Let's pretend, for the sake of this fic, that at the ridiculous pace this story moved forward, Jane still found the time to take Tasha up on that drink. Enjoy!

* * *

Stepping into the locker room, into the eerie silence that told her everyone else was already home, she felt the weight of the earth on her shoulders. She hadn't been home in three days and every day she had stayed at the office longer, delaying the time with another workout or more paperwork before she had to leave and go back to her hotel.

The hotel room was alright. It had a bed that was more comfortable than a lot of things she had slept in, a hot shower and more than enough room for the sparse bag she had taken with her when she had left her home and husband.

Leaving had been her choice. He had begged her to come back, had even suggested he should stay at a hotel instead, that he didn't want her to lose her home, too. As if that made any difference anymore.

As she was opening her locker now to get her things, she knew in her heart that she wouldn't feel at home in that apartment without him, or anywhere else without him. Still, she couldn't be with him either. She was caught between a rock and a hard place, could only jump from the frying pan into the fire and it was taking a toll on her.

Not a single good night's sleep in three nights and no noteworthy whole meals in just as long kept her down both mentally and physically and she saw no way or reason to fix it. She was tired and all she wanted was the numbness she was feeling to stop but that would never happen. Happiness wasn't in the cards for her.

"Jane?"

She was startled by a second presence in the room and turned only to find Tasha staring up at her in concern.

"Are you okay?" the Latina asked "I've called you like three times."

"Um" Jane shrugged and casually grabbed her jacket and bag before closing her locker in a swift motion, a poor excuse of a smile on her lips "I was just thinking. Do you need anything?"

Zapata raised one of her perfect eyebrows at her, crossing her arms in front of her chest "I need you to come home with me" she stated matter-of-factly "You haven't been getting any sleep and I think you could use that drink we talked about."

She was about to object when her stomach growled loudly and her friend only shot her a knowing look.

"Don't you think we don't see how bad you are?" she started again, her voice a gentle caress "But you're not alone and you shouldn't feel that way. I'm your friend and I want you to come stay with me until you're better. No point in spending all that money on a hotel room you're barely ever staying at" she added more lightly and, just like that, the tough Tasha she knew was back.

Jane nodded her head slowly "Okay. Thank you, Tash."

* * *

"And then Reade told me he wasn't crying, it were just his allergies acting up" Tasha laughed loudly and took another swig from her beer "Like, yeah right. I've known you for two years and you haven't had as much as a hypersensitivity to grass or any pollen. And there weren't even any flowers in the room."

Jane joined into her snickering and downed the last drops of her own beverage, putting the empty bottle next to the six pack they had already killed. After two beer and a lot of gossip, nothing of substance, she had started to loosen up and if she was being honest this was the best she had felt in three days.

"You guys are really close" she smiled at her friend who was sitting at the other end of the couch, her legs splayed over the piece of furniture while Jane was facing her, cross-legged and leaned backwards against the backrest.

Zapata nodded, then a thought seemed to cross her mind that dimmed the sparkle in her eyes but before Jane could inquire, the Latina chugged the rest of her drink and got up.

"I think I'm out of beer but I still have some good old Bourbon" she said distractive "You up for it?"

Jane let the other woman potter around until she had gotten the new drink and had poured both of them a large helping, before she leaned forward slightly and waited until Tasha met her eyes "Is everything okay with you and Reade?"

"Yes. Sure" Zapata nodded eagerly, taking a sip from her drink "Everything's fine. I mean he has this great girlfriend and I'm glad I get along with her and-" she looked back up from her glass to find Jane's eyes still on her and sighed, dropping the act "I just miss my best friend sometimes, you know? We've spent so much time at bars or watching whatever game is on TV and I miss that time with him."

She smiled understandingly "Maybe you should just tell him that?"

"Oh and then what?" Tasha rolled her eyes "He's gonna send his girlfriend away so we can get drunk together? Somehow I don't think she'll like it very much. And he's not my best friend when he's with her, ya know? He just acts differently."

Again Jane nodded and put her hand on her friend's leg tentatively, giving it an awkward pat. "He's still your best friend, that doesn't change because he has a girlfriend now."

Shrugging the Latina raised her glass "I'll drink to that or whatever, really."

They both took another sip and a comfortable silence descended on them while they hung onto their own, slightly buzzed, thoughts.

Tasha broke the silence first "I thought you didn't wanna talk about serious stuff?"

Jane shrugged, leaning backwards, staring into her glass. "I guess sometimes talking helps. I want you to know you can talk to me."

"Do you want to talk?"

She looked up, suddenly she felt her heartbeat accelerate once more and maybe it was the alcohol or maybe she had always wanted someone to talk to but had been afraid to say the things she was thinking out loud, but she let herself spill some of the things that had been on her mind for the past few days.

"I- I don't know" she started hesitantly "I don't know anything right now. I don't know what to think or feel or do. I'm just trying to get from day to day because honestly, my mind is blank. I know" he voice broke slightly "I know what he did and what he said and I know I feel betrayed and hurt but I don't _feel_ anything, you know?" She swallowed the lump that was once again taking up residence in her throat "I don't feel anything and yet I feel everything all at once. I'm hurt but I'm also numb and I love him but I also can't forgive what he did and I'm just… lost. I think."

It was Tasha's turn to pat her friend's back now. The brunette sat up and moved closer to the woman that usually faced the most dangerous situation without so much as a blink but looked close to breaking down now. She could see the tears in her eyes that she was still fighting, her mind always too strong for her own good.

"It's okay" she whispered and pulled her into her shoulder, wrapping her arms around her and she could feel her crumble against her chest, felt Jane's sobs shake both their bodies as she let her weep for her daughter and marriage and everything else that came together. All the while Tasha stroked her hair and simply held her.

"Someone told me once" she started softly once the sobs had subdued and Jane pulled back slightly, leaning against the backrest again and they sat facing each other once more "That if you feel numb that usually means you're going through too much pain and your brain is trying to protect you but that you have to break out of that pattern to feel happiness again."

Jane raised an eyebrow in disbelief, after wiping her eyes dry.

Tasha grinned "Obviously I am the wrong person to talk to about that because what do I know about emotions" more seriously she added "But maybe you're too afraid to feel the full extent of that pain because you're scared it might be too much. You can lean on me" she shot her a smile "And I know for a fact that you're pretty invincible."

Jane returned the smile halfheartedly "But even if I get over it… who's to say _we_ get over it?" she asked quietly "Kurt… I've said so many horrible things and our relationship is basically one big pile of broken glass and I have no idea how we could even begin fixing it. What if there's not enough left to save? What if I can't forgive him and he's done running after me? What if I lost that?"

The Latina bit her lip, pondering for a moment, before she got up to get her phone from the kitchen counter and started scrolling through her messages.

"Well, I can't tell you how to rebuild your relationship" she told her friend "But I do know that if there's someone on this earth that you can forgive, it's Kurt. And if there's something on this earth that I know for sure, it's that Kurt will never be done running after you."

Before Jane could disagree Zapata handed her the phone. Her chat with Patterson was open and Jane was about to ask what Patterson had to do with anything when she skimmed the last few messages.

Every evening Patterson had asked Tasha whether Jane was already at the hotel or if she needed anything. And every evening Tasha had replied telling the blonde to tell Kurt that Jane was fine, considering the circumstances.

Jane looked up to find her friend watching her gently.

"And here I thought you wanted to work out with me after everyone already left to improve your coordination."

Tasha shrugged "That too, but there's no way we're not going to watch out for the two of you. You're both our family and family sticks together."


End file.
